I can’t find the right words to express what I was going through when I thought my partner was cheating on me.
All that uncertainty was clouding my judgment. I was obsessing over the bad feelings I was having, trying to find a reasonable explanation.
My anxiety levels were so high that I remember having difficulties controlling myself. My mind was wandering, imagining the worst-case scenario on repeat.
I was close to having panic attacks throughout the day because I couldn’t explain my feelings.
So, I had to look for ways to find out whether he was cheating on me to put an end to my suffering.
I must warn you that some of the things I did can be considered unethical and/or immoral by some.
1) I did not confront him immediately
Even if your first instinct is to talk to your boyfriend or husband immediately about what your gut is telling you, I advise you not to.
If he’s really cheating on you, then he will probably lie to you and dismiss all your accusations because they are not based on proof.
Accusing someone of cheating is a big deal anyway, and you have to follow a few steps if you want to avoid a negative reaction.
I mean, your gut feeling is probably right (mine was too), but there’s also a slight chance you’re just imagining things.
Valerie van Mulukom, a research associate in psychology, says that “Intuition or gut feelings are also the result of a lot of processing that happens in the brain.”
Research suggests that your brain is able to predict that something is going to happen by comparing new information with old information.
However, if your intuition is wrong, you might hurt your partner and ruin your relationship anyway.
To help you in your search for the truth, read these 16 spiritual signs your partner is cheating.
2) I tried to find out more about his struggles
When a man’s behavior changes, it could be because of multiple reasons, not just cheating. Maybe your gut is telling you that something is wrong, and you assume incorrectly.
So, what I did to find out more about his reasons for behaving differently lately was to ask him:
- How are things at work?
- How are your family members?
- Is everything alright with you?
- Is something on your mind lately?
- Where are these changes coming from?
Grace Walsh confirms that if he gets irritated quickly, then your questions definitely make him uncomfortable:
“When you ask him questions about what he’s been up to, he starts to act all defensive and jumpy.”
My ex did the same. Although I really wanted to, I wasn’t able to find any excuses for him.
However, things can go differently for you. Gather the needed courage and ask him similar questions to figure out if he’s going through something that makes him pull away.
Before you do that, make sure you don’t have any of these 4 terrible communication habits you need to break immediately.
3) I took him by surprise
We are creatures of habit, so it’s easy to predict what someone is going to do, especially if they keep the same schedule every week.
In other words, your partner knows when you’ll be at home and when you’ll typically go out with your friends.
My partner knew too, so I decided to take him by surprise by doing these things:
- I changed my schedule and didn’t tell him about it
- I canceled weekend plans last minute
- I picked him up from work without prior notice
By doing so, I was able to analyze his reaction and behavior.
He was surprised, agitated, irritated, frustrated, and generally in a bad mood whenever I was doing something he didn’t expect.
Many times when I wanted to surprise him by picking him up from work or the gym, he wasn’t even there.
What I did was to mislead him, which is not quite morally correct.
According to philosopher W. D. Ross, fidelity is an apparent duty; the “duty to keep promises and contracts and not be deceptive”.
However, I got the information that I needed.
4) A gifted advisor confirms it
The initiatives above and below will give you a good idea on how to work out if your partner is cheating on you.
But a surefire way to know for sure is to speak with a gifted advisor.
They can answer all sorts of questions about your gut feelings and uncertainties.
The problem is finding someone you can trust.
That’s why I recommend Psychic Source. When I signed up for a reading, they provided me with a unique insight into where my life was going, including who I am meant to be with.
Having tried several online advisors, I think they’re the most caring, compassionate and helpful network of gifted advisors out there.
Not only will a genuine advisor tell you about the status of your relationship, but they can reveal all your love possibilities.
5) I went out with his friends
I don’t know how well you get along with your partner’s friends and if this will work for you.
It worked for me because we had many things in common and often went out to enjoy different activities.
I knew these people and I thought if they were aware of my boyfriend’s affair, they wouldn’t be able to hide it from me.
I was hoping they would slip a piece of valuable information without realizing it.
Instead, they were just like Tina Fey, another for LoveConnection, describes:
“They get a bit silent, a bit awkward when you’re around. It’s as if your presence is not as welcome as before. They probably know a secret about your boyfriend and they feel slightly guilty and they just don’t know how to act around you.”
This was exactly what happened to me. It confirmed that my gut feeling was right: something was wrong, but I still wasn’t convinced and had no hard evidence.
6) I asked the same questions repeatedly
According to relationship advice from Doug and Chris, it’s easy to spot a liar if you ask him the same questions repeatedly.
Most often, a liar forgets an answer he gave on the spot because what he said didn’t actually happen.
So, this is what I did. I started asking him about his soccer buddies, his work colleagues, his gym routine, and other aspects that I considered important.
Most often than not, he got the names mixed up, the dates wrong, but not his gym routine. He stuck to it like it was essential for living.
Also, keep in mind that “Yes or No questions are a safe zone for liars. He can easily remember all the lies and repeat them almost forever. But if you ask some questions that need detailed answers – it can cause a failure.”
In other words, instead of asking him: How was your evening with James?
Ask him: How was your evening with your friend, uh, what was his name?
This one also works: How was your evening with Jonas (the correct name is James)?
If he corrects you by immediately saying, “James”, then he’s probably not lying about this one.
If he doesn’t bother correcting you, then he is probably not telling the truth.
7) I got dolled up and approached him sensually
Because I wanted to do everything I could to make my doubts go away, I decided to approach him sensually.
I made sure to dress up in sexy lingerie and act as naturally as possible.
Even so, he rejected me. More than once.
He never said he wasn’t in the mood or didn’t want me anymore. He just used petty excuses.
While this is no palpable proof and he could have many other reasons for not wanting you sexually, it was a clear sign for me.
This point depends on how passionate you two were before your gut started telling you he’s cheating.
In my case, we were really hot for each other and had a very active and satisfying sex life.
Also, what I noticed was that he had new underwear I didn’t know about. Before, he used to always model his new underwear for me.
So, I knew then that my gut feeling wasn’t wrong.
Oprah Daily quotes Susan Trombetti, matchmaker and CEO of Exclusive Matchmaking:
“We all have that bra that we don’t want anyone to see or briefs with holes in them. When you change it up, that might mean something when combined with a few of these other signs.”
Who knows, maybe your spiritual connection is stronger than your physical one. You can find out for sure by reading these 36 signs you are spiritually connected with someone (complete list).
8) I made my own decision
To be honest with you, after I went through these 17 spiritual signs he’s not the one, I realized that even if I had proof to confront him with, it wouldn’t matter.
My gut was telling me the right thing from the start and I needed for my rational side to agree as well. That happened, so I asked myself:
Even if he admitted to cheating on me, what would I do?
Regardless of his reasons, I wasn’t ready to accept, forgive, and forget. That’s why I didn’t need confirmation from him anymore.
By deciding to break things off, I also got his confession, anyway. Apparently, he got really mad because I found out despite all his efforts to hide tangible evidence.
But there’s one thing that helped me move on from this relationship:
The free Love and Intimacy video by the world-renowned shaman Rudá Iandê.
Rudá doesn’t smooth things over, he gets real, and he digs deep into the relationship you have with yourself and how it impacts the relationships you have with others.
By putting me at the center of my world, I was able to tap into my personal power, take back control of my love life, and let go of someone who didn’t deserve me.
So if you’re also dealing with a cheating partner, check out his incredible free video here. It was the one thing that gave me the strength to hold my head up high and remain hopeful of finding love again.
Since then, I’m happy to tell you that I found my soulmate. Maybe yours is on the way too, and a breakup is what you need to meet him.
Here are 22 signs your soulmate is about to enter your life (and you need to be prepared!).
Can a gifted advisor help you too?
If you want specific advice on your situation, it can be very helpful to speak to someone with special intuition.
I know this from personal experience…
A few months ago, I reached out to Psychic Source when I was going through a tough patch in my relationship. After being lost in my thoughts for so long, they gave me a unique insight into what my future holds, and the confidence to make the right decisions when it comes to love.
If you haven’t heard of Psychic Source before, it’s a site where gifted advisors help people through complicated and difficult life situations.
In just a few minutes you can connect with a highly intuitive psychic and get tailor-made advice for your situation.
I was blown away by how kind, empathetic, and genuinely helpful my psychic was.